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  全国英语专业八级考试(TEM8)的翻译部分(汉译英)原文全文如下: (来源:英语论坛 http://bbs.englishcn.com)

  得病以前,我受父母宠爱,在家中横行霸道,一旦隔离,拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里,我顿感打入冷宫,十分郁郁不得志起来。一个春天的傍晚,园中百花怒放,父母在园中设宴,一时宾客云集,笑语四溢。我在山坡的小屋里,悄悄掀起窗帘,窥见园中大千世界,一片繁华,自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄,也穿插其间,个个喜气洋洋。一霎时,一阵被人摒弃,为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头,禁不住痛哭起来。

  阅学生之译文,笔者发现有一个问题值得我们教师注意,即如何在动笔翻译前,能迅速正确地确定英译的主语。如:

  1. 得病以前,我受父母宠爱,在家中横行霸道。

  学生译文(以下简称“学译”):Before the illness, I was much petted by parents, doing everything at will in the home.

  学译:Before I became ill, I have received all the favor of my parents, just like a little tyrant at home.

  参考译文:Before I fell ill, I had been the bully under our roofs owing to my doting parents.

  我们知道,汉语表达大多为“意合”结构,结构松散,以一个一个看似并列的短句“拼凑而成,彼此逻辑关系不明显;但英语则不同于汉语,它是形合语言,非常讲究句子内部的逻辑关系的”外化“,所谓”外化“,即,使用Connectives来表现其逻辑关系。我国译界有一个著名比喻:汉语句子的结构像”竹竿“,是一节接一节的;而英语句子则像”葡萄“,主干很短,而”挂“在上面的附加成分则很多。可以说,汉译英的过程,是一个由”竹竿“向”葡萄“转换的过程。首先要确定”一节接一节“的汉语句子,选其中的哪一节为英句的”(葡萄)主干“。

  上面的汉语原句就含有一定的逻辑关系。“受父母宠爱”是因,而“在家中横行霸道”则是果。“果”应是全句的重心,英译上句,“(葡萄)主干”当选定“在家中横行霸道”而非学生译文所选的“我受父母宠爱”。

  2. 一旦隔离,拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里,我顿感打入冷宫,十分郁郁不得志起来。

  学译:When isolated and taken into custody in a small house on the hillside of our garden, I felt like I was abandoned, getting more and more depressed.

  学译:As soon as I was kept apart in a small flat built on the hillside in the garden, I suddenly felt being consigned to limbo, gloomily and disappointedly.

  参考译文:Feeling like being deposed into a cold palace, I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration immediately after I was segregated and confined in a small house on a hillside in our garden.

  汉语原句有“四节”,哪一部分应该成为英句之“主干”?“我顿感打入冷宫”,还是“十分郁郁不得志起来”?学译都把“我顿感打入冷宫”处理为“主干”,而参考译文则反其道而行之。细细分析,“十分郁郁不得志起来”和 “我顿感打入冷宫”,两者也有主次关系。显然,“十分郁郁不得志起来”为主,“我顿感打入冷宫”为次。两者之间,不仅存在时间先后的顺序,而且还存在着逻辑上的“因果”。因此,参考译文处理得当。另一个值得参考之处在于:“主干”(I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration)的前后均有附加成分,句子显出“平衡美”。

  3. 一个春天的傍晚,园中百花怒放,父母在园中设宴,一时宾客云集,笑语四溢。

  学译:At one dusk in spring, flowers were blooming wildly in the garden, my parents were holding a banquet, in which guests were gathering, laughters could be heard everywhere.

  学译:On a spring evening, hundreds of flowers were in full bloom in the garden where my parents hosted a banquet. For a while, guests gathered in large number, laughing and talking, which could be heard clearly.

  参考译文:On a spring evening, my parents gave a banquet in the garden where a profusion of flowers were in full bloom. In no time, a crowd of their guests collected and laughter was heard all over there.

  汉语原句的“节数”增加到“五节”。译成英语,仍应确定正确的“主干”,两个“学译”不谋而合,将“园中百花怒放”,而不是“父母在园中设宴”作为“主干”来处理。读来,给人一种观比萨斜塔的感觉。相比之下,参考译文则给人一种美感,散发出浓郁的英语味。原因很简单,参考译文选对了英译之“主干” (my parents gave a banquet in the garden)。另外一个值得记取的经验是:汉语原句出现了一个句号,因此80%左右的学生译文,也亦步亦趋,硬性译成了一句,以上两句“学译”也不例外。复观参考译文,我们发现,被处理成两句,从容之中,更多了些干练!

 
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